[jliebert]

My admittedly newbie-ish feedback:

You have a great voice for this copy.

Be careful of the pauses. E.g., poor neighborhoods <pause> where the chance to thrive… It sounds choppy at times due to some of the microbuses.

Also, maybe hit the words “grow up” less as it sounds a little unnatural. Also, watch for glottal stops, e.g., on the word “and” after “learn”. Make sure you enunciate clearly. Open your mouth more.

On the list: Leader, Contributor, productive citizen, instead of hitting each and pitching down, I would go up on the pitch for leader, and down on contributor and productive citizen.

Hope this helps!
Jeff