[ShellyMadison]

You have a very pleasant tone and your diction is quite nice. I’d suggest slowing down a bit and find the parts in each section that you personally find really interesting, then lean into them. Really pinpoint who that focal person or audience is and focus on the goal to entertain and draw them into your story. Currently everything seems to have the same weight and emphasis (not monotone or dull by any means, but doesn’t feel conversational).