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#78858
Tim Kraft
Participant

Hi Logan DFD – I find the opening and the closing line the strongest/most conversational and most like a commercial. In between sounds like you’re happy, but a bit disinterested. I think much of this is the script. There’s a lot of repetition (i.e. “without nasty toxins” and “mineral clean/mineral toothpaste/mineral flavors”). Of course not all jobs you win are going to have great scripts! I find if you’re gonna have to do repetition, trying to make each repeated word/phrase a little different than the other. Maybe hit “without” in the first instance and add a little “ewwww” to nasty toxins on the second. Perhaps give a little “sparkle” to fresh. Your voice sounds naturally positive and upbeat – relax and go with that, it’s not a gift that everyone has!