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You have a great voice for this read 🙂 I thought your pacing was really good on both reads! One thing that really helped me with intonation and rhythm was picking what word in the sentence was most important to me. So for example: in the first sentence of the Annie E Casey Foundation read I would say, for me, “every” is the most important word (it could be different for you) “EVERY child deserves to grow up with…”. Putting emphasis on the important word that we chose can help both with rhythm and with intonation for me because it gives me kind of a target to hit if that makes sense? You don’t have to go crazy with it though! For example you do this REALLY well in the next sentence when you say “HIS skills HER talents….”
I think the vocal fry issue might be coming from running out of breath? At 23 seconds you say “poor neighborhoods” and run out of breath before finishing with “where the chance to thrive….”. I had this issue too! What I did to fix this is I made sure to take a good quality breath from my diaphragm where my natural pauses would be. This even helped with my pacing because it sort of forced me to slow down a little bit.
Keep up the great work!!! You have a great voice and I’m so excited to see what you do!