[edixon310]

I must admit that this read threw me a bit. I only read the first couple of lines, and I was expecting caricature when you started off, but when you got to the tag, I realized why you were reading it the way you were.
This needed to be more poetic than character, and that’s what you did, because this was a more serious read.
The only thing I would add is to be a bit more conversational in your delivery.