[michaelflemingvoice]

Disclaimer: I’m no one. Take what I say with that in mind. 🙂

The first thing I noticed was the echo in your room. You’ll want to assess what you can put up to dampen the sound. Secondly, I loved your pacing, but there might be too much space between your sentences. I also hear the potential you have in making this a fun read. Are you smiling in this read? If not, that would be the first thing. Secondly, imagine that you just bought this fun box and you are so excited as you tell your best friend about this amazing deal! I love your voice! Punch it up a bit!