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Hi, Rebecca! First, I love your natural voice! You sound naturally cheery and self-assured and it works well with these reads! Here’s my individual observations for each:

Six Flags: The enthusiasm works with this (who doesn’t get excited about a trip to Six Flags?!). However, it sounds like you’re trying to wring it out from start to finish and it feels forced. Think back to your childhood days when your parents said “no.” How did you feel about being told “no” when you asked for something? Disgust? Frustration? Dread? If you start with that familiar feeling, it will make the turn to, “Yes! You CAN go to Six Flags and have all the fun and excitement you wanted for so long! Yay!” stronger.

Revlon: This sounded more natural and I thought the pronunciation of being as “bein'” was a nice touch! One thing that might help with this read is what I will call “The Response Method.” Your partner may be asking questions as you talk about the product with f****l expressions or brief questions. If you can figure out where those questioning remarks or looks are, it will strengthen the read and make it sound more like “I think this will help strengthen/beautify your hair!” instead of “Here is something I use. You should try it.”

You have a solid foundation for both of these. With a bit of polish, I can see you doing a commercial for one of these companies/products down the line! Keep up the good work!