Edge Studio has been making spoken word fabulous, for over 30 years! It’s done via voice coaching and voice over recording, in 50+ languages. We also donate to numerous nonprofits and politicians who we support.
So you’re working on sounding conversational?! Ergh.. the hardest part in my opinion! lol. One think I noticed in your reads (which I have issues with too) is ending all your sentences on the same note. Try going up on grill, for example. Also, stretch out “joys of turkey day” or emphasize joys.. The hard part of sounding natural is when they also tell you you have to sound happier at the same time! lol But I do find it helps to actually be smiling when I’m doing some of these scripts.
Pretty much the same comments on the second read. Try to sound a little more excited about what you’re selling!
But you’ve got a good voice so keep at it!