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#71156
Brandon Bell
Participant

Hi CatGirlMSU, I have some feedback on your “A-Haunting Tale” read. In your About Horror read, your tone is very educational and informative, like a historical eBook. It works there! I think you’ve carried that tone over to your Haunting Tale read which makes it seem like you’re a school teacher educating us about evil—instead of a haunting show or sinister narration, like a Halloween X-files opening.

You could add a lingering whisper with each of your pauses. Add heavier breaths on core words like “REAL evil” “DARKEST shadows” “things we FEAR” “NIGHTMARES…” Slow down the pace in the second half, “there are doors. When they are opened…nightmares”, leave room for suspense after each line. You zip through them quickly like a single sentence. Maybe try them as separate. As you read “there are doors…”, imagine the sound & image of a glowing red door creaking open along with a whispery pause—to help feel suspense before then next line. As an example.

Check out this haunting narration by Vincent Prince (used in MJ’s Thriller opening)