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#65943
CYeschenkoCYeschenko
Participant

Awesome work! Your voice is extremely clear and you nailed most of what you set out to achieve with this copy. The only notes I have would be small shifts that are just personal preferences- for example, the congratulations at the beginning of the first one sounds like a different thought than the full sentence, and in the second perhaps the tone on “how about 300 horses” could be shifted to make the joke land even better? The car is the solution for the problem of you always wanting horses as a kid, so punching the solution would make sense. For the horses line, perhaps a touch more snarky or even a hint of cockiness? These are small, finishing touches that might make it even better- but it is already pretty solid as is!