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Hi IMs,
This sounds like it is for an intro to a haunted house at a theme park, or some such. IMO, you put too much character in it, UNLESS the director specifically wanted that. The audio is also not good, there is too much P and S, and distortion.
I like the fact that you changed the stress when you said “doors”. I would try it again, using that change to show that the doors are the most scary and unpredictable thing here.
Looking forward to the next one.