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#64305
AvatarTina
Participant

Hey Ed!

I agree with Tom in regards to giving more direction to the words “That Look”, basically just having a stronger opinion of what you think that look is (pure delight, ecstasy, etc). I also agree with visualizing what you see a bit more. You have a great resonance to your voice and definitely have the relaxing vibe down.

This may just be more personal preference, but I think after you say the first line “There are over a thousand families that need our help” (i.e. the problem), the second line could use more of a feeling of hope and be a little more uplifting. It sounds a little somber, which is perfect for the first line but maybe there’s a way to lighten up the next line since it’s a great thing they’re offering, while still getting the message across. I hope this is helpful!

Tina