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#64298
tomnunestomnunes
Participant

Hi, Ed. Nice reads.

On the first, I think your easy-going sound is great for this. I like where it’s going. I would keep working more on envisioning the scene and painting the picture. Do you have an image in mind for “That look.” and what that look does to you? A pronunciation note: VRBO is pronounced “verbo”. (I learned this listening to some commercials on YouTube.)

In the second read, I like the sound of compassion without overdoing the pathos. That said, I feel you can add a bit more pathos to “you can give back to these heroes who gave up so much for you”. It’s a careful balance. You don’t want to lay a guilt trip, but you want us to feel they have earned this. Watch the pauses. I think phrases can be better connected. Ex: “by providing them / with mortgage-free homes” A pronunciation note: you said “Tunnel to Towers” at the start but “Tunnels to Towers” at the end.

Audio sounded good to me. I didn’t pick up any room noise.

  • This reply was modified 1 month ago by tomnunes.