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#63959
tomnunestomnunes
Participant

Hi, Dante. Awesome voice. A deep bass-baritone that commands attention.

1) Nice overall tone inviting the listener in. Some things to consider. “Trendy.com” has a different cadence than you normally hear with a URL. It starts high on “tren” and goes down the scale the “dot com”. It sounded as if your lead in line was “Not unfashionable.com but trendy.com”. If that is intentional, the cool! Also consider if the words you emphasized are the important words in the script: It’s the number one shopping site for top name brands…; Everything you love, for less. My thought: “one”, “top name”, and “love” respectively.

2) Once the copy was clearly about trucks, I was with you, and you brought it home. But I was confused where this was going at the start. Perhaps a lead in line like “What scares our competitors the most? Is it 50 foot…”. “No” lost some intensity and approached “naw”. “Nighty night” could be more threatening. I think your tone is great throughout, what one would expect for a spot on trucks. But you may have tried to push it deeper in pitch than your natural vocal range. I’d like to hear how it comes across in the lower end of your natural range but with the same ballsy tone.

3). This was well-done. Love the optimism and the contrast from #2. A couple of technique notes: In “change the world around us”, “change”, “world”, and “around” had the same emphasis so its point was not clear. And make sure you don’t drop the “t” in Carnation Breakfast Essentials. (I worked on this script and was given the same note. 🙂 )

Great work, Dante. Thanks for sharing with us.

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by tomnunes.
  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by tomnunes.