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I like your tone. It’s playful, easy-going, a bit quirky at times. Someone you could have a few good laughs with.
The two reads had some nice variations in it. “tiny little screens” made me smile. Still, they were variations of the same theme, a sort of mocking tone. I’d encourage you to play with other attitudes. For instance, this feels directed towards youth. Try an encouraging tone. I think a good avatar for your voice is Owen Wilson. How would he say this to a couple of kids starring at their phone. Jake Johnson is another good avatar.
What other variations can you come up with? Basically, come up with different answers for: Who are you talking to? How are you going to convince them to come the the KSC?
One interpretation note. I’d honor the copywriter’s ellipses in “Come to where the most amazing things on earth… soar high above it” and add a pause. It’s a play on contradictions: “on earth” and “high above it”.
Thanks for sharing your work. If you come up with more variations, I’d love to hear them.
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by tomnunes.