Reply To: Feedback Forum
I’m going to start with your slate because that’s where I get my first picture of you. I like the pace you say your name at, but I’d love to hear a T on Vincent because your last name isn’t common, so I want to know where your first name ends. 🙂 And Branchesi is a great name! (Yes, I had to google it because I wasn’t sure I understood it.) I want to hear that you love it! Your voice drops off when it should be a statement… you’ll hear what I mean if you listen back. So, your great name needs a great slate and you can rock that puppy!
The rest of this assumes you DIDN’T write the script, although I know you did. Bravo for taking that on!
I’d love to hear you give yourself some lead-ins… little tricks to give each sentence its own flavor and impact.
For example: “Wow! I’m telling’ ya,” The workforce has experienced an extraordinary migration, as employees across the country began working from home. “But you can totally relax because” As the “next normal” arrives, UNISON has studied the workplace trends that will define 2021 – and beyond. “I mean it’s an unprecedented time!” The ways of working as we have known them are gone, and in their place is a RARE opportunity to redesign the “employee experience”.
It says “next normal”, not “new normal” and that’s interesting. They’re saying, hey, the new normal’s the old normal but WE know what the NEXT normal is… because we’re just that cool. So you can hit “next” a bit more and add some cool.
Also, you said “redefine” instead of “redesign”. The thing to note about this is that “define” is a very structured word, but “design” has implicit creativity. So when they say they want to redesign the employee experience, there’s excitement there, which should absolutely be part of your read.
And finally, overall, as others noted, it’s very disjointed… but that’s an easy fix! One trick is to take the first sentence and explain what it’s saying in your own words like “We never could have imagined that ALL those people working in ALL those big buildings were – overnight – working from home, and that hundreds of thousands of those buildings would be empty FOR A YEAR!” How would that change how you read the first sentence?
I love the quality of your voice and I think with time and training and feedback you’re not far from nailing this kind of work. Thanks for posting!