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#63085
BarbBarb
Participant

Nice Job! #2 is your most engaging read. I don’t know who you were picturing, but it worked!

If you wanted to further work on the piece I’d dissect it a bit looking for the transition points in the script.
The first line stands alone. Nicely done.
Then, beginning at the second, you get into the big enticing reason to go there, so I’d milk it a bit. It *is* the finest!
You did a good job describing the amenities and I like how you ended it!