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#62374
Bill AnciauxBill Anciaux
Participant

I especially like your performance up to “…there must be no failure.” He is in a grave predicament and he’s trying to stay calm as he meticulously builds the fire. You convey this really well. The gravity of the situation becomes more clear as you go on with, “When it is seventy-five below zero, a man must not…to build a fire” but I think your inflection is off on this line. It is the main clause but you deliver it like you would a subordinate clause, and so loses the impact on the reader. If he doesn’t successfully start this fire, he will freeze to death. What could be more sobering than that! You get back to the original tone after this and it’s sooo good. Great pacing, by the way. You allow the images to form in the reader’s mind. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.