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HI there! I’ll give my notes on the second one as its getting rather late here for me. I thought you sounded so genuinely warm and engaged and you have a great voice for kids stuff, so these are both great script choices.
I would echo what Mary said where you have some smoothing out you can do with this read. You should pause between sentences but not within sentences. If you smooth out this read and remove the pauses I think it would be great! You’re talking to kids so I think the pacing is good so they can absorb what you are saying, it’s just smoothing out those pauses.
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