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Mary, you seem to have started off well in the first sentence, it sounded like your real voice and believable. This is obviously the goal and what we’re trying to do as voice actors believe me I struggle with this mightily. In your case simply speaking I would just be aware not to lift your pitch on the last word of your sentences it makes you sound sort of forced if that makes sense? You almost have to try and sound more boring than excited to get a believable read and one last thing I found was a roller coaster technique for inflecting if there’s no question in the sentence try and go up inflection early in the sentence and then down in the end, hope that helps.