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#58254
AvatarLaura Copland
Participant

Hi Mary,
Cute attitude. It is a little choppy: for ex, consider the pause after the first “beer” and the pause after “Eat”, and “Plus” You do a great job of changing inflection on “is still” and “with your head”, so the pauses are unnecessary and make it sound stilted. Your delivery on 40-30-30 sounds almost bored, but it is a big deal, as is the first time you mention the product. The pause before “Balance Bar” is good as it makes us pay attention to what will come after. You might try a smile in your voice on the final joke of “eat with your head.” Hope this is helpful. Good luck.