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OK, more commercial demo feedback requested!

Worked with Jen this week on two more potentials for my commercial demo: a board game, and a restaurant. Here are the scripts, looking for feedback on pacing, delivery, and if I sound like I’m connecting with the material and speaking with intention. Thanks in advance!

Script 1: Thornwatch
Deep in the Eyrewood, dark creatures would spread their corruption to the people of the forest. Thankfully, the citizens are protected by the Thornwatch. The Thornwatch: Eyrewood Adventures Board Game is available at Lone Shark Games.

Script 2: Sweet Lucy’s Smokehouse:
Why do we sometimes run out of food? It’s the result of cooking with wood in a closed pit Smoking is a low-and-slow process—that means sometimes our meats take all-night to cook until they’re perfect! It’s just how we do it at Sweet Lucy’s Smokehouse.