Apple iPhone 14 TV Commercial
Voice Direction:
This is a simulated casting for a :15 second spot, to play in commuter/transportation hubs (airport terminal overhead ads, train stations,…) and within the travel industry (airline in-flight entertainment systems, hotel lobbies,…). Looking for a fun, exciting voice, who sounds spontaneous and genuinely excited to share this info! Casting is open to all ages, accents, voice types.
Script:
On the go? Which iPhone 14 is right for you? From $999, a powerhouse battery. To $799, as amazing as ever. To $599, sleek and easy to travel. iPhone 14. Love the power. Love the price.
Congratulations to Katie Caruso, Zach Mayo, and Rachel Logan. In advertising a new iPhone they communicated the spontaneity and genuine excitement the client asked for. To help you connect efficiently with your next audition prospect, here are some tips that won’t make you sound like you’re all thumbs — in the old meaning of that phrase.
EDGE STUDIO TIP # 1 – Don’t rush the opening – Give listeners time to get up to speed. Consider: This is not a training video, or a TV program, or any other genre where your audience is listening attentively. It’s a commercial. For that matter, it’s a commercial in a busy airport, train station, hotel lobby or other transportation/hospitality setting. The last thing your listener is there for is to watch or listen to ads. So your first words need to be totally clear.
Of course, the rest of the script also requires clarity, but the opening needs your special attention. (An audition screener will certainly give it that!) A listener’s brain needs at least 1/4 second to catch up when a new voice over begins. That’s if they’re expecting it. If their mind was somewhere else (such as on a flight or train schedule, or their phone, or finding their way, or that interesting person over there), they’ll probably need even a bit more time to catch up. So slow down the first word, just a tad.
This script’s opening is even more problematic, because the first 3 words (“On the go?”) are single-syllable. The entire phrase needs to be clear, even when mixed with music, sound effects, and a noisy environment.
EDGE STUDIO TIP # 2 – Capture attention, by conveying genuine emotion. There are various ways to get someone’s attention. In real life, you could shout, but in voice over, that’s inappropriate (unless specified in the script). You can adopt an announcery “voice of authority,” but that’s often heard as pushy, not enticingly friendly, and definitely not “natural.” Remember, the Direction says “fun, spontaneous and genuinely excited to share this info.”
This requires a personal form of “salesmanship,” not the pushy kind (of which we heard a lot). To grab attention and interest, be truly engaging and relatable – by using emotion. Which emotion? Make a choice, bearing in mind the direction.
VOICE OVER TIP: To get your voice in the intended ballpark, first get your mind up to speed … by adding a lead-in phrase or sentence. For example, start by saying, “Hey so let me ask you about this super cool thing, are you:” Then say “On the go?” Just be sure to have a clean break between your lead-in and the actual script, because when you’ve got your take, you’ll need to edit out the lead-in before sending.
EDGE STUDIO TIP # 3 – Maintain interest, by using variety. A lot of people had the same inflection from sentence to sentence. Some used the same manner for each price point. But are all these sentences emotionally the same? No. The entire spot should convey excitement, but there can be a lot of variation within that. For example, the $999 sentence can be full of pride. The $799 price can sound amazed (“as amazing as ever”). And the $599 price might sound rather practical. Can you think of other ways to vary the thoughts? Give it a shot!
At the other extreme, some people got noticeably dramatic on the last two sentences. Yes, they’re the benefits, so maintain your energy. But keep it credible; keep it real.
EDGE STUDIO TIP # 4 – But keep it flowing, logically. One way NOT to mix it up is by adding artificial pauses. Many people paused too often, or illogically. For example, they paused at the commas exactly as much as they paused at periods. That especially made the “price” sentences confusing. The casual listener might not realize which product attributes go with which price. (That is, if they weren’t listening closely throughout, they might hear it as “As amazing as ever to $599.”) VOICE OVER TIP: When reading VO scripts, you need to determine which punctuation marks you follow, and which you don’t. Sometimes they’re there just for grammatical form, or the copywriter wasn’t thinking about things that you should consider, or they’re marks that only make sense for written English, not spoken English. All this said, you don’t always need to follow all marks. Use your judgement. Now, regarding our contest script, well… in this case, do NOT pause at commas. Speak entire thoughts smoothly, holding them together to make it easy for the listener to parse the meaning.
Furthermore, pausing artificially is to be avoided for a more typical reason: it makes you sound choppy, which creates tension in the listener’s mind, distracts them from what you’re saying, and can even make you sound undesirably hesitant and lacking confidence. For example, there is NO reason to pause – as some did – like this: “To $599 / sleek / and easy / to travel.”
EDGE STUDIO TIP # 5 – Don’t mess with the script. The client probably vetted it very carefully. Granted, in this particular script the word “dollars” is redundant, awkward, and time-consuming. The writer could have said “799 dollars” the first time, and in the later two cases, written just the numbers. It would also have helped if they had written out exactly how they wanted the numbers said. (Should it be “Nine hundred ninety-nine dollars” or “Nine ninety-nine dollars” or just “Nine ninety-nine”?) But they didn’t. So your task, which you’ve accepted, is to say them consistently, as written. And if you can make them sound natural and audibly palatable, that gives you an edge!
But … note that certain words can have strong subconscious effect, either good or bad. The word “hundred” makes the price sound greater. Arguably, the specific prices are not as important as indicating that there are three price points. So don’t belabor the price?
That may be why NONE of our winners included the words “hundred” or “dollars” even once, and we understood the meaning just fine. In fact, at first we didn’t even notice! If for some reason the client will want the word “dollars,” they can instruct you after you get the job. (For example, if the commercial will play where another form of currency is used.) What made our winners’ decisions work was that they were consistent and natural in breaking the rule.
EDGE STUDIO TIP # 6 – Hit the time specification. The Direction states it is for a 15-second commercial. If you can’t read this script in 15 seconds, you’ll likely be ruled out. Many people spoke too slowly. All our winners came in at 15 seconds or less.
EDGE STUDIO TIP # 7 – And finally, avoid glottal stops. A glottal stop is the momentary closing of the throat, usually before a vowel that begins a word. This is an avoidable error that we often hear in even otherwise perfect reads. In all cases, it adds tension in the listener’s mind.
Fixing this requires awareness and practice, but then the smoothness becomes second nature. For example, learn to say the following sentence without the glottals (indicated with slashes): “Which / iPhone 14 / is right for you?” If you can’t get the hang of it, a coach can help.
1st place winner: Katie Caruso
Judge's Comments
1st place winner: Katie Caruso. We love virtually everything about this friendly, enthusiastic read. Her expression, variety, comfort in reading, all fabulous!! She absolutely nailed the instruction to sound “spontaneous and genuinely excited to share this info.” What don’t we love? Her unnecessary glottal stops, in phrases such as “sleek / and / easy”. From a technical standpoint, her recording is clean and quiet. Except her gate is set incorrectly, which abruptly cuts off some words. It should be set at a slower release and/or a lower threshold. Also, her audio is overly compressed.
2nd place winner: Zach Mayo
Judge's Comments
2nd place winner: Zach Mayo. Fabulous read. It has variety and he’s enthusiastic. Just not as varied and spontaneous as our First Place winner. Let’s say it’s 90% spontaneous and 10% salesperson. Technically, his recording quality is terrific. Our only note is that he should leave 1/4 second before his audition (or slate, if he had one) begins, in case the audio player has lag.
3rd place winner: Rachel Logan
Judge's Comments
3rd place winner: Rachel Logan. Quite nice, with good variety. But she’s not as “vocally free” as our First Place winner. By that, we mean she does not sound as relaxed. That impression begins with her slate, which pitches up (AKA, “upspeak”). It sounds like a question. Of course, it is not a question, but a listener’s mind is an odd thing – there’s always the subconscious, even among casting professionals. You’ll give a better, more marketable impression if you make it “declarative.” That is, make it a statement, confidently and naturally said. Technically, her slate’s volume level is too low (the script’s level is fine), and her processed voice is a bit squashed-sounding.
