mkell755
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Hi CYeschenko, very good! “..our trained staff…” sounded like “…our trained-a staff…”, I understand you were trying to enunciate everything and everything was very well done on that end, but maybe just a little more smoothing between “trained” and “staff” would sound a little bit more natural. Also “…and a solid background.” did not sounds like a statement, but more like it ended with a comma, which made it sound less certain. I’m being nitpicky but this is really good!
Mary
Hi Amitofu! Excellent work! Very clear, crisp delivery for all three scripts. In the second script I liked the emphasis on “…who only…” which really helped focus on the differentiation of why someone should drive a Mazda (therefore helping to sell the product). I like how you varied the tone on the third script to give a sensitive feel, really good work for all three!
Mary
Hello all! Here are 2 scripts for any and all feedback. One is for Sam Adams, and one is a poem by Donna Ashworth. Having fun choosing background music. Let me know how they sound – thank you!
Mary
Sam Adams Beer
No matter how hard you try, you can not twist off the bottle cap of a Sam Adams. All that Sam Adams flavor is locked beneath a twenty one crimp bottle cap. So you’ll need a bottle cap opener to get at it…at the very least. Sam Adams, a better glass of beer.Poem by Donna Ashworth
“Don’t prioritize your looks my friend,
they won’t last the journey.
Your sense of humor though, will only get better.
Your intuition will grow and expand like a majestic cloak of wisdom.
Your ability to choose your battles, will be fine-tuned to perfection.
Your capacity for stillness, for living in the moment, will blossom.
And your desire to live each and every moment will transcend all other wants.
Your instinct for knowing what (and who) is worth your time, will grow and flourish like ivy on a castle wall.
Don’t prioritize your looks my friend,
they will change forevermore,
that pursuit is one of much sadness and disappointment.
Prioritize the uniqueness that makes you you, and the invisible magnet that draws in other like-minded souls to dance in your orbit.
These are the things which will only get better.”Hi Katelyn, really nice! Your voice sounds really good for this and the script flows nicely. You might consider spelling out the award letters ” A – S – C – A – P” instead of making it into a word (ASCAP). Maybe that’s how they announce the winners when they award them, as in “and the GRAMMY goes to…” I love pop music but am out of the loop for this award, so I could be wrong on that, just a suggestion. Really solid work!
Mary
Hi Touzet, really good! Your voice is really perfect for this, sounds like it is already out there. Good job!
Mary
Hi Tina, very good read! I liked the clarity and pacing and tone for the script. “at hand to try the devices” sounded like “at hand t’ try the devices” the “to” sounded like “t'”. I smush my to’s and for’s also, which is why I tend to notice them. I too heard a bit of a pause or noise of some sort right before “…Galileo’s fertile brain.” Overall really good! These are little things. Good job!
Mary
Hi Ryoung! I liked both deliveries, they both made me smile! The first read really builds the script from the beginning to the end and is more dramatic. The second read is kind of unexpected to hear in the conversational manner and is very well done, I liked hearing both versions. Well done!
Mary
Hi Robert, good read! This one is hard to critique for me because I’m trying to imagine the intent of the script, but other than practicing a character voice, it does not seem to be advertising a product. If that’s the case, I think you could really lean into and emphasize key words more like “furious” and “put the gun down” Your voice is good for the script, keep it up!
Mary
Hi Robert, good read! Your voice is very well-suited for this script, very good fit and natural. There were lots of statements with pauses and the pacing was really good too. Good music too. I think the “The last thing you’ll need…is a road…” line could be delivered with just a little more attitude, like maybe you imagine “this truck is so great that it can drive ANYWHERE, and you NEED one!” in your head as you are saying it. Very good read!
Mary
Thanks for the feedback Katelyn! I’m working on upspeak, for some reason it is a hard habit to break for me. There were a lot of commas in this; I will work on stringing the phrases together a little better to smooth it out. Yes, as a long-time piano student, this script and the character were interesting to me – definitely a personal interest! Thanks again,
Mary
