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I think your voice matched the script well, but I would watch for pacing ( a little fast ) as well as mouth noise and plosives. You may just have to balance the right distance from the mic as well as staying hydrated.

Maybe also play with a few versions of the “How do you get clean?” I may have not emphasized the “DO” but more on the “you.”

You mentioned that you’re not in your usual recording space, but I thought the environment actually sounded pretty good.