[SuperLuke]

So, in the beginning I hear a pre-life of “Mmm’ or “Hmm” Might want to take that part out. As far as the commercial, try to sound more conversational with your performance, “See, that’s me in the newspaper”. As far as tone, your mood sounds the same throughout. Add some energy and more excitement, “where nobody has gone before”.
What I would do is review the acting beats and see what you are aiming for. Anyway, that’s just my opinion.
hope this was helpful