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#66017
Avatarkatelyndawnvo
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Hey Sherry –

Fragrance: Lovely read! I love how you painted a picture in the first half of the perfume thing. I think at 0:14 there could be a transition. When you read the whole thing in the hushed whisper voice, I started to lose focus. If you can come into a full voice for the last part once you hit “Roseau articulates…” (however you spell that) I think that is a good spot for a transition.

Healthcare: Really nice tone and feel for this. When you got to “something as important as healthcare”, you did “upspeak” on the word “healthcare”. When we use upspeak (which is a super millennial thing to do) it sounds less confident, like we are asking a question or are unsure about what we are saying. So you can just remember to always bring it down at the end. “create a partnership” – pronounce “a” as “ah” in scripts. I’d say always unless asked specifically to pronounce it “a”.
I think you lost it a little bit at the tag – you had me up until this point. When you say “Edna and US healthcare… raising a standard for… and the rest of the tag” The tag is super important so give it its gravity. At this point, you can be feeling very proud of this healthcare company because it’s yours. Either you own it or you work there or else you wouldn’t be talking about it. But center yourself in some pride for it and really sell me on why this is important, good, or why I should care.

Really nice work!!