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#63786
Avatarchas82
Participant

Darlene – as a general guideline for future submissions, it is very helpful to post the script. I’ll limit these comments to “Hawaii” –I think you chose a very challenging script and I admire your guts to take this on. Generally speaking, I think it would have benefitted from adding energy and emotion throughout to make this a more engaging, informative experience. It felt like you were “just” reading a script and I wasn’t especially moved to travel there to share the experiences you were describing. The first two sentences sounded monotonal – varying tempo and pitch along with choosing some key words and/or phrases for emphasis can create more colorful, exciting mental images. The long list in the middle of your script was a bear ! Lists of 3-4 items can be a little tough; the list of seven attributes in the middle of this script is a Herculean task. Each element in a list like this is best articulated with a unique combination of tone, pitch and maybe a tempo tweak to distinguish them one from another.

You mentioned you were just getting started – I think you will be very happy with the results if you incorporate this script into a future lesson with your coach. Chas